LOVE LETTERS pt. 5 Jake

I have turned writing love letters into a therapeutic way of coming to some sort of terms with different situations, finding closure to seemingly unanswerable questions, or inviting new things or people into my life.That is what this series is about.

The following letter was written by a friend of mine.

His letter was written to one of the most mysterious concepts in the world, love.

“Dear Love,

I have been asked to write a letter of you, but I have been pressed to speak to you, and so I am taking initiative. A person who is considered intelligent in this society is a person who finds patterns and makes good use of them. We measure some output as the effect of some causal input, and with enough tedium and time and rigor, we develop a strong theory concerning the goings on of the stages in between. We have managed to do this with the tangible and the intangible, the qualitative and the quantitative, the auditory and the visual and practically all sensory data that we are consciously aware of. With that track record in successful patterning understood, how is it that you, Love, remain as unpredictable and powerful to us as the weather once was to ancient humans? To be clear, you are not the only thing this universe knows that bounds all beings to a level playing field. There exists an entire spectrum of emotion which is an evolutionary tool – something that, although often warped by society, is innate in all of us who breathe and strive. Like those emotions, your general presence can be explained swiftly and thoroughly by evolutionary development. You are, however, undoubtedly the exception. The ruler, perhaps, of the emotional spectrum, you evoke fellow emotions as an inextricable part of you, attached in the sense that whatever additional emotion it may be, it would not exist in consciousness without you.

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For most humans, you make your presence known for the first time well before birth. A mother’s mind and body go to extraordinary lengths to ensure a safe and nurturing environment for the developing baby, and you are abundantly present through every step and hurdle along the way. This sort of interaction does not give me pause at all – it is pure and biological, logically patterned and emotionally fulfilling. What I need to ask you about, Love, is your more wicked and complex nature. Why have millions of people, touched by your grace, died from an immense love of their god, or of their nation? Why have millions more than that, also touched by your grace, died having not been able to feel your touch? Why does giving you to someone fulfill our deepest human longing, but devastate us when it is not received? I have never understood you and I haven’t yet decided upon my feelings for you. If I was asked, I would probably say that you are the most important thing in life, something to pursue, and something to abide by. But if I wasn’t asked, and I was able to wonder, I would try to uncover your pattern. If, in fact, I found that you ultimately lead to death, I would ask myself if that is an inherently bad path to wander. And if, when I look in the eyes of a beautiful woman, I feel your presence accompanied, as it often is, by fear and self-doubt, I will wonder if it is truly you that I feel and not an imposter. Because I want to believe in your good nature, Love. More abstractly than that, I want to respect you as intentional and intelligent, a force who understands its power but does not seek to expand it.

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I have been in love before, I think. I know that I have felt grief as a result of love. I know that I have felt pain and sorrow and elation and jubilation and pain and fear and guilt and pain and excitement as a result of loving some one, or some thing, or some place. I don’t know how to recognize you beyond a reasonable doubt, though, and I wish that I did. I wish I knew what you looked like and how you walked and spoke and breathed, and I wish that I could pinpoint your distinct smell and taste and code of fashion and code of morality. If I knew these things I would introduce myself to you, and I would be able to inquire and hope that you would help me understand. A person who is considered intelligent in this society is a person who finds patterns and makes good use of them. But you – elusive and labyrinthian in nature – take too many forms and walk too many paths to be simulated forward or backward. Maybe your most dangerously powerful notion of all is to force us to abandon our intellect in favor of your guidance. Before turning my back, though, and blindly encouraging others to seek your refuge – who are you Love? Who are you?

Thanks,

Jake”

photos not mine!

my heart n soul,

matenia

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MAG PREVIEW

Hello my people. Let me just say, the month of May has been one of the longest, most difficult months of my life. While I really have no desire to get into specifics right now, I’m sure you’ve realized, I have not been posting too much. Actually, to be honest,  I haven’t been posting at all.

To make up for it, I’m working really hard to put together a little online mag full of photos and little messages for you to enjoy. This post is a quick preview of some of the content.

Welcome to a little preview of, “BAM. ur Daydreams.”, I hope you enjoy.Screen Shot 2017-05-27 at 8.41.30 PM

All the following words and photos by me.

(except color swatches and patterns, obviously)

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“BAM. ur Daydreams”, will be out around June 15th. I haven’t decided what platform I will be publishing on, but make sure to keep up with my social media (this blog and my instagram @ma10ia, for details)

my whole heart,

matenia

FACES OF DRAGCON

This past weekend I was lucky enough to receive press credentials for Rupaul’s Dragcon. This was truly one of the most incredible weekends of my life. I met some amazing people, took some bomb photos, laughed a lot and used waaaaaaay too much glitter (in the best way possible). I decided I wanted to share some of my favorite queens or favorite looks with you.

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Discord Addams and Gidget Von Addams, look at that makeup. Wow.

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Rubber Child. My Florida gal.

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Kimora Blac and Farrah Moan. No words.

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A colorful monster queen!!!

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Karen from Finance!! (I’ve been obsessed for so long wow)

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Eureka! ft. sequins

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BOB the Dragqueen and Peppermint. shooketh

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Sasha Velour, truly on of the kindest queens I’ve ever met.

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A sea QUEEN! I love a good glitter beard.

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Biblegirl666, so nice to finally meet you, sis.

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Torah Hymen. Fresh from Australia, welcome.

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Trixie Mattel, my barbie fantasy. GO BUY HER ALBUM “2 Birds” ON ITUNES.

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Nina Bo’nina Brown. A vision in purple. (Banana Fofana)

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A dinosaur? Oh yes.

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Finally, one of my favorite human being on this planet (sorry about poor photo quality, the lighting sucked) ADORE DELANO.

This event was truly amazing and I cam back from LA feeling so so inspired and happy. Maybe it was the queens or maybe it was all the glitter or maybe it was everything. I hope you enjoyed these photos as much as I enjoyed this event!

my heart n soul,

matenia

A BELATED EARTH DAY POST

Today for you I present a post dedicated to the earth, mother nature, our planet.

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I know how guilty I’m sure all of us are of forgetting to recycle or littering or ubering somewhere when we could walk or bike or take the subway (very guilty of that one). Every time you eat a hamburger, the amount of water that went towards that burger is something you forget about entirely.

I want to clarify, this post is NOT promoting an agenda like vegetarianism, veganism, getting rid of your car, and never forgetting to recycle. Those things are simply unrealistic for some people. It is simply here as a reminder to be mindful and protect our earth.

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You may be thinking, “Well I’m one person, what difference can I make?” The answer is a huge one and that starts with getting educated. Below I have listed some of my favorite documentaries.

This is not my way of asking  you to make life altering decisions, I’m simply stating awareness is important. We should be able to see and understand what is going on in the world around us. After all, there is no Planet B.

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thank you for reading!

all my love and sunshine,

matenia

SOME MUSIC, A MOOD BOARD

This post is very self-explanatory.

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I know I constantly say it, but music and photos are what truly inspire me to create my own art. I believe these mediums can help anyone create something beautiful or inspire them to do something amazing. I really hope you enjoy what I’ve put together.

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my heart n souuuuuul,

matenia

A HIATUS

Recently, I’ve been pretty stuck. I have all these ideas, but no way to put them into words. So I took a break. A break from stressing about all of things I can’t do and focusing on the things I can. I’ve been doing lots of photoshoots and putting lots of things together that I can’t wait to show you. For now I will leave you with some recent journals about how I’ve really been feeling. thank you for bearing with me during this time of confusion.

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3.25.17, Why Comparison is Killing Me

I can’t continue to sit and compare my growth to those of others. Social media makes it that much harder to remember that we are all on individual paths. There is no one way for things to be done.

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Today I’ve cried twice. I’ve felt inadequate in all my creative outlets. Isn’t that insane? It’s my art and I feel inadequate?

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There needs to be a change in this cycle. But then I think about how does one define where they should be on this elevator of life? I’m 18 and I’m scared I’ll never make something of myself. Comparison is hindering my progress. ”

4.9.17, The Universe’s Plan?

I’m just unsure of everything. I wish I had more of a concrete idea and understanding of what I was put in this universe to do. Why am I here? Why now? Why my situation, surrounded by these specific people? I don’t know if I’ll ever get answers. I’m not even sure I’m supposed to.

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But I guess the world is a mystery.

My plan is a mystery.”

thank you for reading my thoughts.

my heart and soul,

matenia