In times of confusion, panic, and insecurity, I write.
I’m sitting in my tiny apartment in the heart of the village, finally in a city I’ve dreamed about since I was 8, but all I can think about are all the places that I still want to explore. After breaking a leg (don’t skateboard without shoes on) and having a surgery that left me literally laying on my ass all day, my mind was a whirlwind of places and faces and things to see.
I made lists and lists of places to visit. I reached out to friends who live around the globe securing places to stay. I looked at Airbnbs all around. This earth is full of beautiful architecture, people, fashion, etc. that I haven’t seen.
Am I missing it? Should I have signed a 12 month lease?
Does permanence mean comfortability?
I think it’s funny, I’m finally in a city I’ve dreamed of my whole life and I’m questioning it. I’m questioning if this is where I really belong. This makes me wonder if I’ll ever be completely content with where I am. Is there ever true bliss? Or is life always a “grass is greener situation”?
Thank you for reading a bit of my mind.
all my love,
This past week, I moved into my very first apartment. A huge change, but a very, very important one. Living alone is very new, but I’m s l o w l y learning that new, doesn’t necessarily mean bad.
I thought it would be fun to show you a bit of my new space.
Along with that, of course, a short lil playlist:
Warm – Majid
100 Letters – Halsey
Shutter Island – Jessie Reyez
Heaven in Hiding – Halsey
Cocaine – Kiyo Cato
Promises – Wiz Khalifa
Same Drugs – Chance The Rapper
Lie – Halsey ft. Quavo
The space is nowhere near completely finished, but I’m going to appreciate the minimalism in it while I can. The post is short, but I have something really exciting planned for next week, now that I’m finally moved in.
all my love,
This post is very self-explanatory.
I know I constantly say it, but music and photos are what truly inspire me to create my own art. I believe these mediums can help anyone create something beautiful or inspire them to do something amazing. I really hope you enjoy what I’ve put together.
my heart n souuuuuul,
Recently, I’ve been pretty stuck. I have all these ideas, but no way to put them into words. So I took a break. A break from stressing about all of things I can’t do and focusing on the things I can. I’ve been doing lots of photoshoots and putting lots of things together that I can’t wait to show you. For now I will leave you with some recent journals about how I’ve really been feeling. thank you for bearing with me during this time of confusion.
“3.25.17, Why Comparison is Killing Me
I can’t continue to sit and compare my growth to those of others. Social media makes it that much harder to remember that we are all on individual paths. There is no one way for things to be done.
Today I’ve cried twice. I’ve felt inadequate in all my creative outlets. Isn’t that insane? It’s my art and I feel inadequate?
There needs to be a change in this cycle. But then I think about how does one define where they should be on this elevator of life? I’m 18 and I’m scared I’ll never make something of myself. Comparison is hindering my progress. ”
“4.9.17, The Universe’s Plan?
I’m just unsure of everything. I wish I had more of a concrete idea and understanding of what I was put in this universe to do. Why am I here? Why now? Why my situation, surrounded by these specific people? I don’t know if I’ll ever get answers. I’m not even sure I’m supposed to.
But I guess the world is a mystery.
My plan is a mystery.”
thank you for reading my thoughts.
my heart and soul,
Spring break is quickly approaching, so I decide to make a nice playlist for really any activity. See it on my spotify @Matenia Altikatis.
Also, I’ve been pretty inspired by some visuals recently, so I decide I’d put together some mood/inspo-boards to go along with the jams(photos not mine). All the colors and photos really speak for themselves and compliment each other. Things like this have been keeping me super inspired and encouraged to make more art.
Sorry for such a short lil post, but I have BIG things coming the next few weeks ❤
stay tuned for more!
all my love,