In times of confusion, panic, and insecurity, I write.
I’m sitting in my tiny apartment in the heart of the village, finally in a city I’ve dreamed about since I was 8, but all I can think about are all the places that I still want to explore. After breaking a leg (don’t skateboard without shoes on) and having a surgery that left me literally laying on my ass all day, my mind was a whirlwind of places and faces and things to see.
I made lists and lists of places to visit. I reached out to friends who live around the globe securing places to stay. I looked at Airbnbs all around. This earth is full of beautiful architecture, people, fashion, etc. that I haven’t seen.
Am I missing it? Should I have signed a 12 month lease?
Does permanence mean comfortability?
I think it’s funny, I’m finally in a city I’ve dreamed of my whole life and I’m questioning it. I’m questioning if this is where I really belong. This makes me wonder if I’ll ever be completely content with where I am. Is there ever true bliss? Or is life always a “grass is greener situation”?
Thank you for reading a bit of my mind.
all my love,
Recently, I’ve been pretty stuck. I have all these ideas, but no way to put them into words. So I took a break. A break from stressing about all of things I can’t do and focusing on the things I can. I’ve been doing lots of photoshoots and putting lots of things together that I can’t wait to show you. For now I will leave you with some recent journals about how I’ve really been feeling. thank you for bearing with me during this time of confusion.
“3.25.17, Why Comparison is Killing Me
I can’t continue to sit and compare my growth to those of others. Social media makes it that much harder to remember that we are all on individual paths. There is no one way for things to be done.
Today I’ve cried twice. I’ve felt inadequate in all my creative outlets. Isn’t that insane? It’s my art and I feel inadequate?
There needs to be a change in this cycle. But then I think about how does one define where they should be on this elevator of life? I’m 18 and I’m scared I’ll never make something of myself. Comparison is hindering my progress. ”
“4.9.17, The Universe’s Plan?
I’m just unsure of everything. I wish I had more of a concrete idea and understanding of what I was put in this universe to do. Why am I here? Why now? Why my situation, surrounded by these specific people? I don’t know if I’ll ever get answers. I’m not even sure I’m supposed to.
But I guess the world is a mystery.
My plan is a mystery.”
thank you for reading my thoughts.
my heart and soul,